Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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