I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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