we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
