You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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