I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
