You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I forget how to act sober
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
