I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
