Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
