I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
