Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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