I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
