ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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