Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
