The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
