During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
