Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
