You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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