i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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