We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Randomize
