How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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