The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
