shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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