hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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