I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
