I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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