You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
