Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
