If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
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