If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
