pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
