i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Randomize
