Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
