Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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