if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
