Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
