oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
PANTIES FOUND
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
