i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
