i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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