Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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