So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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