just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
