come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
