I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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