New low: just hacked my moms facebook
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
