Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
