Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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