I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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