oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
