how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
