dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
