My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
