i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
