i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
