The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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