Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
