we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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