Who wears a wallet chain?!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
