I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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