i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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